Before I became a Christian, I was involved in sexual immorality. I know that it was wrong somehow and that the Bible condemned it but that I was a Christian and that I was only "struggling with it". I thought that I could overcome my sin through my own efforts. I was also very greedy and self-righteous. My self-righteousness came from a lack of having God's righteousness and an attempt to feign what only God could genuinely produce.
I tried to cure my sin by becoming heavily involved with the church. I did many good things but always did them with selfish motives. I treated people a certain way and expected that they treat me the same way. If someone didn't treat me like I thought that they should, I viewed it as they were sinning against me and should repent. I viewed myself as a great servant of God who others could look to. All the things that I were doing were done because I either wanted love, acceptance or if I wanted to feel important.
All my efforts to get my dreams and goals in life failed. I was angry at others because I felt like I was totally righteousness and that every one else was taking advantage of me. I began reading a book about evangelism and was interested in learning what the author had to say because I had come to respect him as a Bible teacher. In one of the exercises in the book, I was told to write down all the reasons that I was better than all the different groups of people that I looked down upon. I began to write this list down and little by little, I began to realize how self-righteous and utterly unrighteous that I really was.
In that moment I realized that I was not a good person and that I really didn't deserve God's favor. I realized that this life that I had been living was very hypocritical and displeasing to God and I wanted it to change because I didn't like who I found out I really was. From that point on, I decided that I was going to submit to God and obey what he said in his word and through other godly leaders that he had placed in my life.
Since I had that realization and was truthful to myself and God about who I really was, my life has never been the same. God began to work in the areas that I had kept hidden for so long. God began to change my heart and help me to confess what I was doing as sin and help me to think differently about people. God is helping me to be more obedient to him everyday and I am seeking what he wants for my life and to deepen my relationship with Him.